miércoles, 16 de noviembre de 2011

On Choosing a Mistress

Advice to a Friend on Choosing a Mistress (1745)

June 25, 1745

My dear Friend,

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entring into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Œconomy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor’d with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.
Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.
Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc’d may be attended with much Inconvenience.
Because thro’ more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin’d to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.
Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.
Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.
Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8[thly and Lastly] They are so grateful!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely Your affectionate Friend.

miércoles, 2 de noviembre de 2011


Cher(e)s freaklittéurs/ses,
nous voici donc parvenus au post numéro 200 de cette petite anthologie du bizarre littéraire lato sensu
pour fêter l´évenement je serais heureux de recevoir dans les commentaires à ce post les extraits bizarres avec lesquels vous voudriez honorer ce blog
en vous remerciant d´avance pour votre collaboration
ayez une belle journée bizarre

Dear Freaklitters,
we have arrived at post number 200 of this little anthology of the literary bizarre lato sensu
in order to commemorate this event I would be glad to receive in the comments to this post the bizarre extracts you would like to add to this blog in this occasion
thank you for your collaboration
and have a happy bizarre day

Querid@s Bizarr@s,
he aquí que hemos llegado al número 200 de nuestra pequeña antología de la literatura bizarra lato sensu
para festejar este evento me alegraría recibir en los comentarios a este post los extractos bizarros con los que os gustaría honorar este blog
gracias de antemano por vuestra colaboración
y que tengáis un feliz día bizarrro

Le monstre

Le monstre

En face d'un miroir est une femme étrange
Qui tire une perruque où l'or brille à foison,
Et son crâne apparaît jaune comme une orange
Et tout gras des parfums de sa fausse toison.

Sous des lampes jetant une clarté sévère
Elle sort de sa bouche un râtelier ducal,
Et de l'orbite gauche arrache un œil de verre
Qu'elle met avec soin dans un petit bocal.

Elle ôte un nez de cire et deux gros seins d'ouate
Qu'elle jette en grinçant dans une riche boîte,
Et murmure : « Ce soir, je l'appelais mon chou;

« Il me trouvait charmante à travers ma voilette!»
Et maintenant cette Eve, âpre et vivant squelette,
Va désarticuler sa jambe en caoutchouc

M. Rollinat
Les névroses

à comparer avec une autre variation de l´auteur autour de ce petit motif misogyne